i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
