3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
