Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
