cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Randomize
