so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
