I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
