Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
You made out with two different species that night
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound