Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
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I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
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my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.