He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
