3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument