hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.