I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
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Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
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If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped