The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
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This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
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I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.