I love you!
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?