dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
