Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
