Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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