I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Randomize
