After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
