We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
