no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I need water and some morals
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
