Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize