my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize