when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
