Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
