why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
