mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
