actually, I'm a sock model
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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