D3 body, D1 cock
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
