Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Let's get the cat blown out
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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