I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
