I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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