yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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