omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
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