she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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