Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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