He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
