Your face is a jimmy john
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
