Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I currently don't understand fingers.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
