Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
