I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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