On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
