This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
