I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize