I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Randomize
