this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
