I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
