i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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