He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
They have beer where we have blood.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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