atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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