Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Still dying that you shit outside
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
