Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
You took a bar mat shot.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
