I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
