this boner is exhausting
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize