Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
