You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
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