I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
