happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
