I'll bet she douches with gravy.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
