she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
The feeling are messing with the penis
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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