Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
