you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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