ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
