I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
