Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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