some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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