pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
