I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
