I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
