the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
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