He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
