Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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