Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Randomize
