margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
