I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
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