do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize