we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
how do flat chested girls get laid?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
