i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
