A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Redeem this text for a blowjob
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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