4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
