tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
