I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Randomize
